THE PERFECT GIFT for people who value friendship, uncompromising love, dribble, chewed up furniture and miles and miles of walking to go to the toilet.
"The dog is often called a man's best friend.
Dogs are reliable, loyal and loving, like all best friends.
They also smell like a bobble hat full of corned beef that has been left on a parcel shelf of a locked car for a fortnight during a hot spell. But there are some things you don't mention to a best friend."
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"Once a week, Patsy vacuums up all the dog hair in her house.
When she has finished the sofa she will do the carpets, inside the oven, in the powder tray of the washing machine, between the pages of the book she is reading, and behind the wallpaper.
'How did it get there?' laughs Patsy while coughing up a hair-ball."
